junior? no way.

so i'm kind of a junior now, assuming i didn't fail the chem final, though i'm pretty sure i did.

i'm having the same old summer blues... feeling useless among other annoying emotions.
i need to find a hobby, and i realized i don't want to become a gamer for a lot of reasons that wouldn't mean anything to a person on a normal level of brain activity (not sure if mine's running high or low today)...

i hate summer, all i've got to look forward to now is my birthday, which will inevitably suck.

i really did get the laptop my mom promised me, and i love it. but it's may, and my birthday's not till august.

my wifi is amazing.

i want to stop using the word "I" so much. it's a nice letter an all, and you can't spell pie without it... in fact, that would be pe(e), which is basically the opposite of pie, on the scales of appeal and edibility.

i have to stop being such a head case, and stop being a tard and looking for a person when i already know i have to stop wanting something like that to get it. humanity and mortality are just burdens in my opinion, we'd all be much better off if we were robots. or bokononists.

my eyes are getting droopy, and i ended my anti- sleeping streak last night. i also had a wierd dream, of which i can only remember a split second of a lunch line and me actually enjoying kissing someone with whom i will and should never kiss in life.
ta
<3/jesaka

solarized in the sunrise

so there's this song by ian brown, called solarized. you need to listen to it, whoever you are.

also, wingding pretty much rocked my face off.

yep.
finals. study. not fun.
<3/jesaka

yeah.

so, i can't remember what's all has happened that i haven't blogged about.
school's over, except for finals.
i ran for VP, but didn't win. steering committee meeting was disaster to say the least.
wingding is tomorrow, i have certain plans that may or may not work out... we'll see.
nothing much is going on lately.
i'm feeling a frustration of a decidedly unwholesome sort in mass amounts. need to rememdy that this summer.
more later, perhaps.
<3/jesaka

LAME.

im at a family- type party. it's boring. i have the laptop, thank god.
i'm kind of tired, and i'm the only kid who didn't swim, so i'm by myself. a bunch of awkward male relatives 2 years younger than me being afraid to be seen in their swim trunks provides for entertainment, and at around hour 3 i found some cake but had to eat it with a knife. pretty hardcore, even for me.
poppa les had a heart attack, and is still in the hospital. he's doing much better, and he moved off the cardiac floor today, amid minimal chaos, and his daughter drove in from chicago to see him. he'll be just fine, but we've been spending hours at the hospital since thursday and i've eaten very little today.
hopefull we'll be going home soon, i need some fuse ASAP.
still confused. hoping to hang out with angel tomorrow.
more later, maybe.
<3/jesaka

lalalala

a lot going on lately, very little of it interesting.

the end.
<3/jesaka

i'm bored.

i just read postsecret for sunday and i'm trying to convince myself to send a secret. the only problem is, i can't figure out what my secret is. and now i'm dying to know. it's so wierd, there are random little moments in life, so candid that sometimes i hardly recognize them, when i get a little window and i can see into my own mind, i can see what i'm thinking from someone else's point of view, only i still understand it. and it's in those short moments when i understand myself, my flaws and warts and all... i love those moments, they make me feel so human, so connected to life... i realize in those moments how little i know myself, and it makes me so sad not to be able to know who i am. it's ridiculous to think i come to this from other people's postcards, none of which i'm even able to identify with. life is so random. and candid. and confusing and beautiful and bizarre and it's life, it's all there is, and i feel like i'm wasting my time coasting through it without being able to understand it. it doesn't make sense how some people's lives are cut short, and other people are left behind. it's so sad to think that life begins so that people can be left alone. it's not fair, and i wish it weren't that way. i hate how small i am in the world, in the universe. with all of what there is, expanding forever, i'm just some tiny part. i'm an atom of a universe contained on a thumbnail. whose thumbnail is it, i wonder? i need to have a word with them.

wow.

i don't even know how long has passed since i last posted here, i haven't gone to the last post on here... but i think it was like last summer... yeah i totally forgot about this thing...
i might start using it again... for all the stuff i don't want to say where my friends can read it... lol... like there's anything they haven't heard me say about myself (whether they wanted to hear it or not...)
well i'm done now, i've done a LOT of blogging today...
<3/ jesaka.