i'm bored.

i just read postsecret for sunday and i'm trying to convince myself to send a secret. the only problem is, i can't figure out what my secret is. and now i'm dying to know. it's so wierd, there are random little moments in life, so candid that sometimes i hardly recognize them, when i get a little window and i can see into my own mind, i can see what i'm thinking from someone else's point of view, only i still understand it. and it's in those short moments when i understand myself, my flaws and warts and all... i love those moments, they make me feel so human, so connected to life... i realize in those moments how little i know myself, and it makes me so sad not to be able to know who i am. it's ridiculous to think i come to this from other people's postcards, none of which i'm even able to identify with. life is so random. and candid. and confusing and beautiful and bizarre and it's life, it's all there is, and i feel like i'm wasting my time coasting through it without being able to understand it. it doesn't make sense how some people's lives are cut short, and other people are left behind. it's so sad to think that life begins so that people can be left alone. it's not fair, and i wish it weren't that way. i hate how small i am in the world, in the universe. with all of what there is, expanding forever, i'm just some tiny part. i'm an atom of a universe contained on a thumbnail. whose thumbnail is it, i wonder? i need to have a word with them.